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Carnival Conspiracy

Carnival Conspiracy Album Cover
  • Artist: Frank London's Klezmer Brass Allstars
  • Album-No: CD-PIR1902
  • Country: North America - USA - New York
  • Style: Tradimodern, Brass, Jewish, Klezmer
  • File under: Klezmer / Brass / Gypsy
  • Country of production: Germany
  • Released: 2005
  • Rights: Please contact the Piranha Records Team, which takes care of all publishing, licensing and legal affairs.

In The Marketplace All Is Subterfuge
Carnival is No Laughing Matter...Most noble and honourable people, illustrious drinkers all. You have imbibed the Di Shikere Kapelye, consumed the Brotherhood of Brass. True Believers and Johns that you are, you have taken the veracity of their texts on faith as if they were Holy Doctrine. Intoxicated by the musical spirits into abandoning your powers of critical thinking, some intrepid souls have gone so far as to advance the ideas set forth. On this count you deserve rewards in this world and the next, as well as my undying gratitude.
So it is with the deepest humility that I must confess: there was no "Inebriated Orchestra," no band of itinerant alcoholics who invented Klezmer music. And of the mystical triumvirate Gypsy, Jews and Moors, illustrious model of a cooperative world so necessary in our troubled and conflicted times that I purported had worked together to combat the evils of the medieval Church and bring on the final redemption? The word exaggeration comes to mind. I deceived you with these bald-faced lies and deserve rebuke, reprimand and far worse.
My heart is contrite; I will endure my punishment. Forced residence in a Bush-Giuliani's "I (heart) fascism" New York, USA is insufficient; I should be exiled to the Isle of Winds (where trumpeters die while emitting gases and their souls leave the body via the rectum). Being surrounded by flatulence is too subtle a rebuke, flagellation barely sufficient retribution. For the disdainful deceit that I have shown to you, oh most worthy reader, I should be Disembrained! Let my inner organs be forcibly removed from my quivering body and tossed into the rivers so that they prove to be more nourishing to the fishes. Yet I must beg your indulgence and implore you to extend one iota of trust to one who does not deserve even that pittance, for it will pay off in ways that strain your righteous albeit belated credulity! I must be truthful now; the stakes are too high. For this concerns Carnival, and Carnival is No Laughing Matter.
Carnival has power to elicit cathartic laughter in even the most constipated. Not the "Heh-heh-heh we stole the election and made billions of dollars pillaging the environment and launching an illegal war" laughter so fashionable in these times; but true Ambivalent and Universal Laughter which does not deny Complexity but affirms it. Laughter that purifies from dogmatism; liberates from fascism and pedantry, from fear and intimidation, from didacticism, naiveté and illusion, from the single meaning, from sentimentality. Laughter which Restores the Almighty Ambivalent Wholeness of our Existence.
Esteemed reader, you have purchased the greatest recording of all time, a CD so powerful that it will cure you of all ailments from impotence to flatulence. Let my bowels be ripped out and roasted if I am exaggerating. Simply carrying this disc on your person will lead to untold fortunes! Wrap this compact disc in warm, moist linen and apply it directly to any afflicted area of your body. It has the strength to cure Toothache, Ulcer and STDs. Is this nothing? Find me any Klezmer recording which possesses such virtues and properties! It relegates to the dung heap of history all the other Radical-Jewish-Soul-Music-Brave-Old-Klezmotic-Golemic-Conservatory-Kaplyen-MadAsYahoo-Klezwhatever recordings, surpassing even Beethoven, Bird and Beatles. If anyone contradicts me, let her be herewith denounced as a false prophet, a Jew for Cheeses, a seducer of the people. Of all the recordings made by Frank London's Klezmer Brass Allstars, this is the Third!
And so I have learned my lesson; my contrition is as the sands of the desert, my humility as the waters of the oceans. My ego checked at the door, I am by far the humblest person on this earth. I hereby deliver myself to a hundred thousand basketfuls of raving demons if I have lied to you even once. Believe implicitly what I have related to you concerning the Carnival Conspiracy, the greatest recording in the history of time and space, or may festering ulcers of every purulent pox enter your bumgut and infect and mangle you, vanishing into an abyss of brimstone and fire like Sodom and Gomorra.

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